Wednesday, September 9, 2009

waiving my freak flag.

My whole life I have felt like someone was with I was not just a thing that happened to be here. Like there was something bigger and I knew who that person was. Jesus. I have always felt him, ever since I could remember. 
Now I was not brought up in a religious home. My mother did not take me to church, we didn't pray before meals or bedtime, there was no routine that concerned him that she taught me. I did go to catholic mass with my grandparents but it was never shoved down my throat. I enjoyed it...I didn't even have to go in the Sunday school part -  I went to the grown up mass. I sang and then pretty much waited until it was over so I could have donuts and juice.
Bottom line is that when I was little I knew him,  I felt him, I saw him (in nature and people etc.). I spoke to him, and I felt like he was listening. I would talk to him out load and I trusted him. I was so passionate about him at such a young age that it was sort of weird. No one had instilled that in me, no one on this earth anyways. I was the only 9 year old that I knew that was preaching his love. I would gather the neighbor kids and go sit in the grass and read my children's bible to them. I would tell them how much Jesus loves them, loved us, loves everyone no matter what...and that he always wants you to be his child. 
People don't just come up with that kind of stuff. I don't know how people don't believe in Him. Don't they feel it like I did, like I do? Why me? Why have I always felt him there, even when I didn't want Him to be? Why is He always there, even when I don't deserve it?
I am nothing special. But look how utterly blessed I am. I have a healthy and hilarious (not to mention beautiful) daughter. A loving husband. Loving friends and family. And in every avenue I have struggled He has pulled me through. I pray to Him and talk to Him and He answers me. He always has. I have always and will always be taken care of by Him. I know this. He is good. He is loving and He loves you. 

I am NOT a religious person. I am a person of faith. I was born of it, from Him and my faith will never dissolve or be disproved. If you are a person who looks at facts, try and disprove my God. No one has ever done it, or will do it. All who have tried have either died in the process or chose to believe. How can you look around you and not see Him? In the flowers, the ocean, the sunsets, the sky and stars. How do you not see Him waiting for you to recognize who you are looking at? 
For the mother: The experience of pregnancy rocked me. The life growing inside me was just unreal. The birth of my daughter was indescribable and to look into that face...I don't know how you don't believe in the Lord if you have ever had a child. How can all of that come from a few microscopic cells. Accident? I think not! That is what I call divine design. I am not saying this to be condescending... I just truly want to know.

I also want to say...I am sure at least 10+ people that you have met throughout your life that is a "Christian" has bugged the crap out of you and totally turned you off to the idea of having anything to do with anything they are involved in. I have met plenty of people that if I did not have the faith that I have = I would have ran in the complete opposite direction of where they were trying to take me. 
I could give 1,000 plus examples but I will spare you. You know the type of people I am talking about. I may have seemed like one of them to you at some time or another and if so - I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY. I never ever want to be the person that turns people off of following Jesus. 
I just want you to know - I felt compelled to share my faith with you. And let you know that no matter what anyone tells you: God/Jesus loves everyone - no matter what. Weird I know...but He doesn't judge. He wants you to walk with Him, He wants to shower you with His love and blessings. He wants YOU to have everything that He has to offer. And He is the only one that can offer the world. He is waiting for you to notice Him. He has always been there waiting for you and it breaks His heart that you do not know Him yet. There is so much more. SO much more than you can imagine if you accept Him. I want to walk with you in heaven. I want to know you forever. I love you so I am sharing this message. And when you are ready, no matter when that may be or why that may be - but when that time comes ( and I pray that it does ) He will still be there, with open arms. Calling you into his embrace of unconditional and unending love.

If you already knew all that then AMEN! If not I am really glad that you read my little story.
love - hugs - kisses


  1. I'm so glad Faith has a friend like you and Zion has Lilee. Sounds like you guys all have blast together.