update

so tired
moving in a week
so much to do
Galilee had her 1st birthday
her party was amazing
don't want to look at another cupcake for a long time
got a puppy - the fluffy one
we named him Seamus (shay-mus)
still need a new home for the cats
sleep deprived
need to get the house ready to show some lady tomorrow
lame.

doggy style

So we have decided to get a dog.

Lilee is stalking all dogs and continues to say "puppy puppy puppy"

We went to the outlet mall today and in Crate & Barrel there was this little gremlin dog - that ended up being the softest thing in the world and I wanted to lay on it.

Lilee freaked out and was trying to break out of the stroller. Thank God for the BOB's 5 pt harness. It came in handy. So we let her pet it - after asking it's mommy of course.

She looooved it and was so so excited. Haven gave me the "look how much she wants a puppy" look.

We thanked the doggy mommy and walked away. Lilee had a heart attack. She was so upset.

Life went on.

And hourish later we were walking up to our home when this new doggy mommy with doggy in tow walked by. Lilee yelled "PUPPY"

The lady stopped to let her pet the pup.

This time when we walked away she completely lost it! I mean the whole world crashed down.

Crying hysterically

red face

tears

tight crazy top lip

wailing

Haven again gave me "the look" and said "that's it, our girl needs a puppy."

Awesome for me. I get to not only scoop S*h% out of a box covered in stinky sand, wash it out of cloth diapers with the help of a hose attached to the toilet but now I get to pick it up through some thin a$$ plastic bag while it is still body temperature. All of my dreams are coming true. I can not wait.

But if I have to do it these are the Sh*% options:

cute sad faced poopie A

OR

fluffy faced poopie B

Looking at them....

now i want both poopies. They are so cute.

My girl would love them. We are going to look at them tomorrow. Yippppppeeeeeee

on my mind on my heart

Christians ( people that follow Christ - be it Catholic, Christian etc. ) don't believe in miracles anymore...they don't believe in prophecy and they don't believe and live as if their God is living. And you know what Neither do non christians. So what sets them apart. That is the problem.

pray for miracles

pray for change pray for God to part sea's

they don't think big enough

and they don't think things are going to happen.

They don't pray with intent, knowledge, fear and trust.

I dont pray thinking God will not do the things I ask.  I pray expecting a surprise. I pray expecting a surprise.

they don't pray that way anymore. they don't . and it makes me sad.

I want better. I want more, I need more I can't thrive unless I have more. I need more truth, more life, more God. I need more than I am getting I can no longer be sustained on the few bites that I am being fed.

I see the changes in the world. Prophesies coming true, this is no smoke in mirrors. Read the Bible - read current events. Open your eyes. Things are happening weather you believe in the Bible or not. I'm sure you will find it interesting.

Haven told me about a dream he had when he was little. He said he doesn't remember what it was about but he remembers weeping heavily. There was a tragedy that happened and he was telling his mom how horrible it was and crying to her. He woke up and realized it was a dream. He heard God speak to him. This is what he said

This pain is what I go through every day - for everybody

this is how i cry for you and everybody everyday

 i weep for you

i long for you

i hurt everyday

because of how much i love you

there are a lot of people on the planet and He loves them,

The muslim terrorists, the people that want nothing to do with Him, the one's that set out to defy him, to disprove Him. But he still loves them.  He is separated from them and He hurts. It is being separated from your child and weeping for them. It kills you. And this is what He goes through everyday as He watches the world. And see's all of His children that will not embrace Him.  How sad that must be, I can not even begin to imagine.

I forgot to write this in my last post. But every time you have some sort of "luck"

it is Him, trying to get your attention. His way of tapping on your shoulder waiting for you to turn around and see His face. Just because you don't believe in Him doesn't mean He is not here, watching you, waiting for you, longing for you to realize he wants you - wants you to be happy. wants you to realize that you are BLESSED even though you don't know Him. He still loves you. He always will and He can't wait for the day that instead of saying " I am so lucky" you will say " I am so Blessed" because you already are.

I don't know if He has put this on my heart to share with someone in particular or just share. But I have been reminded of this over and over for the last week or so. So I hope it reaches who ever it was meant to.

today/yesterday

*called Courtney at 9:30 and woke her up to go to the cutest fabric store in the world

*i am re doing / decorating my whole house as I am moving and have a clean slate

* visited Jodi in the hospital -love her- she had a gorgeous baby girl - Sylvia Jean-Ann

*Sylvia has coons so pray that she gets better quickly and can be with Jodi 

*got the baby bug. 

*but not really

*okay, maybe a little - i'll wait i promise

*had a happy meal- i am NOT proud - and didn't tell haven until late this evening

*my phone died

*went to "that pizza place"

*went to a halloween super store - it sucked

*my cable box arrived

*went to Spirit - found havens/ courtneys/ my halloween costumes

*ate dinner

*packed

*courtney packed

*courtney and i packed
*started to watch Big Bang season two

*had to find cat (wendel) he got outside at some point

*finished a post i started a week ago

*got a headache

*remembered a ton of stuff that i was supposed to do today - and it is now 11:59 and i don't think i have time to do it all _ t minus one minute until tomorrow

*am going to put finny (other cat) outside to fend for himself if he doesn't stop chewing on bubble wrap

*thanked

*prayed

*it is tomorrow 

*good morning

oh yes and 

* Lilee likes to run

love me some laguna

Yesterday was a great day. Woke up at nine, Haven made breakfast while I whirled through my room to get ready. Lilee got up and got changed (thanks to me) and we were out the door. Another Thursday morning spent at Stroller Strides. It wasn't as hot as it's been but the workout was insane. I was so nasty & sweaty. It was a really intense workout but so worth it...how do you think I can look this good after having my little moose baby?

So then there was Laguna. Faith Jason Zion Haven Lilee and I loaded up in the van for one of my favorite trips...

I love Laguna because they have a little restaurant called Pomedoro - the best thing ever. Thursday night is 1/2 off wine night - which makes the trip that much better. We drove and talked. Jason being the pilot and Haven the co-pilot. Children watching baby crack ( Tiny Love DVD Maqiq - compliments of Jen!) And Faith and I in the back.  It was a nice drive and we mostly talked about baby grandma that was just born. I can't wait to meet her! We got to Laguna around 5 and walked around a bit. The men with babies in tow and Faith and I with envious eyes as we wandered around our favorite little baby shop that I can't remember the name of. All we know is that they carry the Bla Bla mermaids that we LOVE and they are like a million dollars and soft as a cloud cat velvet air thing. I want one to sleep with. So then the guys took the little ones to a bar for some Chimay on tap and Faith and I made our way to pomedoro in search of half off wine. We found it. And it was good. And I had the best dinner - Chicken, sausage and portabello pasta with a garlic cream sause. Amazing. The kids had organic fusilli with cream tomato sauce and chicken. Not to mention their house bread and green salsa - which is this killer pesto. yum yum yum I am hungry just writing this. So then we (Faith and I) took the babies back to the car....oh yeah but I almost forgot somehow Faith ended up with red wine being spilled all over her tan skirt. So we had to go into our fav little clothing shop and look for an outfit. We tried on some crazy stuff. There was this one shirt that say "summer never ends" - spoiler alert...yes it does. So shut up shirt I think you're stupid.

Anyways the night then consisted of the guys drinking like 2 3 4 5 6 Chimays and Faith and I went to 2030 for a martini. We ordered a dirty one - then saw the desert ones and said hello to a chocolate and an espresso martini. She had the chocolate because I couldn't handle it. The espresso one was de-lic-iois! Off to Gelato Paradiso...it is a must. Well it was 9:36 and the sign said they closed at 10. They were closed, the door was locked and the lights were off. But there were some high school girls in there being served....Bottom line Haven complained until they let us in.  I didn't mind seeming like an ass if I got what I wanted out of the deal. And I did. And it was good. Faith and I also have another ritual. We stop in this little dive bar and go dancing, for like 10 minutes, while the men are on baby patrol. Well tonight there was a band called Fire in Ciro and they were pretty good. We were (once again) the only people out on the dance floor. Looking ridiculous. We don't mind.

We ended up having a dance off with a friend of the bands that looked like Napoleon Dynamite. It was pretty classy.  We are pretty classy.

We then walked back to the van to go home. But wait! How can I forget? There are important details I left out.

-right after dinner I took Lille to walk outside and there was a man playing ta wooden tool drum from Africa. Lil couldn't stop dancing. The one time I don't have my camera with me. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. I replay it in my head all the time. She was having sooo much fun, I loved it.

-When the guys were at the bar  Faith and I walked over there and outside in the patio area was a CRAZY guy. Seriously. Talking to himself...there might as well have been another person there. He was having a full on conversation with ____________. It was awesome / scary / he thought Zion and Lilee were twins.

-There was also some random guy walking around the street on stilts. For no reason. He even stopped and asked a valet guy if he could rest in his chair for a while. I wanted a picture with him. But he left before I could get one. ...just walked off somewhere, wearing stilts.

-Zion drives. He could drive the van if he wanted to. He washes the windows like a champ. And honks the horn to let us know to load up - or he will leave without us.

-if you are still reading this...you have a lot of time on your hand.

- i started writing this a week ago. all of this took place last Thursday

-i am going to bed. thanks for reading

-good night.

-i didn't proof read so some things might not make sense as i type fast and my mind wanders.

-good night for reals.

Earthquake....?

I am terrified of earthquakes. In my oceanography class a few semesters ago we learned about the giant earthquake that will hit and kill all of us. in a nut shell.  So last night around I don't know what time because I didn't look at the clock....I woke up to my bed shaking. "The earthquake of my nightmares"...i thought. I freaked out but was still frozen waiting to see if either it would stop or if the walls would start crumbling. I woke up Haven and asked if he felt the bed shaking. He said yes...so we jumped up and things were still shaking. We were about to grab Galilee when we looked at the glass of water on our night stand and it wasn't moving. ( I will always resort back to watching a glass of water after the scene from Jurassic Park) So there was no earthquake? What the hell was going on? Why was the bed shaking? And why did we both feel it and feel like we were shaking when we got up? weird. I was tripping out. My heart was racing and I was waiting to feel a real earthquake. Like  I had a 6th sense warning about one happening. 
We got back into bed and I was thinking " maybe I was having a psychic moment " when I started feeling the shaking again. I stopped breathing in panic for a second, sure that this time there was an earthquake...I was right! I did have a premonition about it and it was happening. I started to move out of bed slowly to not freak out Galilee when my foot grazed across Havens foot. There it was. The earthquake of my nightmares....It was Haven shaking his foot really, really fast for some crazy reason while he was sleeping. Ridiculous. 


So I went back to sleep. Happy to know that at least for that moment I would not have to worry about an earthquake. 

waiving my freak flag.

My whole life I have felt like someone was with me....like I was not just a thing that happened to be here. Like there was something bigger and I knew who that person was. Jesus. I have always felt him, ever since I could remember. 

Now I was not brought up in a religious home. My mother did not take me to church, we didn't pray before meals or bedtime, there was no routine that concerned him that she taught me. I did go to catholic mass with my grandparents but it was never shoved down my throat. I enjoyed it...I didn't even have to go in the Sunday school part -  I went to the grown up mass. I sang and then pretty much waited until it was over so I could have donuts and juice.

Bottom line is that when I was little I knew him,  I felt him, I saw him (in nature and people etc.). I spoke to him, and I felt like he was listening. I would talk to him out load and I trusted him. I was so passionate about him at such a young age that it was sort of weird. No one had instilled that in me, no one on this earth anyways. I was the only 9 year old that I knew that was preaching his love. I would gather the neighbor kids and go sit in the grass and read my children's bible to them. I would tell them how much Jesus loves them, loved us, loves everyone no matter what...and that he always wants you to be his child. 

People don't just come up with that kind of stuff. I don't know how people don't believe in Him. Don't they feel it like I did, like I do? Why me? Why have I always felt him there, even when I didn't want Him to be? Why is He always there, even when I don't deserve it?

I am nothing special. But look how utterly blessed I am. I have a healthy and hilarious (not to mention beautiful) daughter. A loving husband. Loving friends and family. And in every avenue I have struggled He has pulled me through. I pray to Him and talk to Him and He answers me. He always has. I have always and will always be taken care of by Him. I know this. He is good. He is loving and He loves you. 

I am NOT a religious person. I am a person of faith. I was born of it, from Him and my faith will never dissolve or be disproved. If you are a person who looks at facts, try and disprove my God. No one has ever done it, or will do it. All who have tried have either died in the process or chose to believe. How can you look around you and not see Him? In the flowers, the ocean, the sunsets, the sky and stars. How do you not see Him waiting for you to recognize who you are looking at? 

For the mother: The experience of pregnancy rocked me. The life growing inside me was just unreal. The birth of my daughter was indescribable and to look into that face...I don't know how you don't believe in the Lord if you have ever had a child. How can all of that come from a few microscopic cells. Accident? I think not! That is what I call divine design. I am not saying this to be condescending... I just truly want to know.

I also want to say...I am sure at least 10+ people that you have met throughout your life that is a "Christian" has bugged the crap out of you and totally turned you off to the idea of having anything to do with anything they are involved in. I have met plenty of people that if I did not have the faith that I have = I would have ran in the complete opposite direction of where they were trying to take me. 

I could give 1,000 plus examples but I will spare you. You know the type of people I am talking about. I may have seemed like one of them to you at some time or another and if so - I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY. I never ever want to be the person that turns people off of following Jesus. 

I just want you to know - I felt compelled to share my faith with you. And let you know that no matter what anyone tells you: God/Jesus loves everyone - no matter what. Weird I know...but He doesn't judge. He wants you to walk with Him, He wants to shower you with His love and blessings. He wants YOU to have everything that He has to offer. And He is the only one that can offer the world. He is waiting for you to notice Him. He has always been there waiting for you and it breaks His heart that you do not know Him yet. There is so much more. SO much more than you can imagine if you accept Him. I want to walk with you in heaven. I want to know you forever. I love you so I am sharing this message. And when you are ready, no matter when that may be or why that may be - but when that time comes ( and I pray that it does ) He will still be there, with open arms. Calling you into his embrace of unconditional and unending love.

If you already knew all that then AMEN! If not I am really glad that you read my little story.

love - hugs - kisses